What to do when you feel pulled in multiple directions
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In this episode:
What should you do when you are pulled in multiple directions?! This question is at the heart of almost all of my work with career coaching clients. In some, it manifests as overwhelm from considering several options and wanting parts of all of them. In others, it manifests as apathy from the uncertainty they are confronted with when not knowing the best path to take.
When you don’t know what decision to make, or feel like you have lots of options to pursue, do you tend to feel overwhelmed, or apathetic?
In this episode you’ll learn:
The situations and circumstances that tend to make us feel this way
Why creative professionals tend to encounter these feelings frequently
Insights and tools you can use to help you navigate challenging decisions and open-ended opportunities
At the end of the episode, I’m answering a great listener question from Toby about how to curate resumes for positions that aren’t local, such as out-of-state jobs, or remote positions. Can’t wait to get to that!
The situations and circumstances that tend to make us feel pulled in several directions
This question, “What should you do when you feel pulled in multiple directions?” pretty well sums up the question at the heart of the Career Foresight podcast. I’ve confronted this question personally dozens of times, and each time it seems to feel as daunting and the last time.
I’m really excited to have this conversation with you. Last week, I posted on Facebook and Linked in asking my friends and network to weigh in on this question.
I asked:
“When you feel pulled in lots of directions (because of opportunities, commitments, etc.) are you more likely respond with impulsive actions/decisions, or become apathetic and uncertain about taking a step forward at all?”
I loved reading people’s responses and the stories they shared in explanation. I’m going to share more of their insights and thoughts in today’s episode. But the first observation I want to highlight is that this feeling is so universal, but I know from my own experience that when you’re walking through it--it can feel lonely and like no one understands.
When I think about the times in life that I have felt overwhelming uncertainty, or apathy about my situation, it tends to be in times when there is a significant lack of options in my life (I feel stuck), or when I have an excess of options and possibilities to choose from (I feel overwhelmed).
Typically, these experiences are very closely tied to each other. I end up with lots of possibilities and options because of being in a season where I felt stuck.
This happened very recently. Leading up to the holidays last year I was feeling burned out and generally apathetic about my business.
The following questions got into my head, “Is this business really the best use of my creativity, skills and knowledge? Is this how I can really make the biggest impact, or is there something else out there for me?”
Once those questions were there, I couldn’t get rid of them.
I knew I was doing good work. I knew my clients were having amazing results and building careers they loved. I knew my business would grow over time and I’d be able to reach more people.
But what I didn’t know was how long it would take, and what the opportunity cost would be. And that really started to eat at me.
Looking back, I realize that part of my error was giving the question of if I was doing the best thing with my time and giftings or not, too much importance. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I let it lead me to a very anxious mental headspace.
I’m not one to just let life happen to me. I am an action-taker, so when things don’t seem to be working the way I want them to, I go into overdrive. So when I began doubting my effectiveness, I did everything I could to try and answer the question about what I should be doing.
I started considering all the other things I could be doing with my career and evaluating each of them. I used my creativity to think of alternative paths I could pursue rather than using it to help me build the business I’d already committed to. It was counterproductive.
Eventually, after a few weeks, I had several opportunities in front of me. I had contract offers, an interview for a full-time job, partnership offers and more clients.
I had to laugh at myself. I created a whole different problem to deal with. To be clear, I definitely felt like choosing between multiple good things was a much better situation than not having options at all, but it was still stressful.
For me, the comparison of opportunities and potential paths to pursue was exactly what I needed to feel confident about my decision to pursue my career coaching business at this time. In that regard, the time I spent applying to jobs and researching other options wasn’t solely time-wasted, even though that’s what I feared it was during the thick of it.
However, if I did this circus every couple of months, every time I felt discouraged about my business, or heard about a cool opportunity… the negative impact would be significant on both my business and well-being.
The situations that tend to make us feel pulled in many directions and stretched too thin are usually a simple case of the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side syndrome.
When we start to believe that our situation isn’t good enough, we feel the lack of opportunity. And if you set out to change that, what starts as a lack of options turns into an abundance of options and possibilities--and it usually doesn’t take that long.
And that’s where the overwhelm sets in.
I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t imagine and pursue better opportunities for yourself--in fact, I highly encourage you do so!
I’m also not suggesting that this pattern is one we necessarily want, or need, to eradicate from our lives.
Rather, what I hope to do in this conversation is provide tools for managing its inevitability so that when you do find yourself in a similar situation, you feel confident and capable of managing it instead of feeling overwhelmed.
Here are some of the insights people shared with me that I found really helpful for recognizing when you’re in a situation that needs energy and prioritization management.
Wade said: “I know that if we are too much, or too little invested in all of our capacities, there will be a dilemma, and that dilemma will suffer the forward movement of relationships, goals, dreams, physical/spiritual/emotional health.”
Marisol said, “Too many thoughts, too many options, too many decisions, too many potential outcomes and unknowns...I let silly things like laundry distract me, and I end up putting the decision off until the options end up aging themselves away.”
Both Gretchen and Jeff mentioned something I found really insightful. They both commented on how they notice their responses to uncertainty change whether the situation is a personal or professional one.
Why creative professionals tend to encounter these feelings frequently
I believe the reason creative professionals encounter these feelings so frequently is because there is no prescribed path to follow. We're making this thing up on our own!
Of course, there isn't any real certainty for any career, but there are definitely ones with more clear and straightforward paths than what most creative professionals have to follow.
The lack of certainty isn’t going to change, and that means we have to become comfortable with ambiguity and feel confident carving our own unique path in the world.
To succeed and thrive in the future of work, we’ll need to have great decision-making skills and be able to trust ourselves making those challenging decisions without certainty.
This is a lot harder than it may sound. I've come to realize there are very few people who will challenge me or try to give me guidance. Sometimes, that makes me feel scared of the future because I realize the consequences of my decisions are completely mine to own.
As I say that though, I realize that’s true for everyone. I’m grateful to have had experiences and the support system to teach me that lesson. I know it’s not something all people feel or recognize.
The task to help us be successful and confident in our decisions is to take ownership of this reality, and make that a positive thing.
This approach reverberated in the responses I got on social media for how people found empowerment to begin sorting through all of their options.
Staci said, “I was a person that always said yes and stretched myself so thin that I broke.
I wanted and did take every opportunity, so I basically gave up sleep and sanity to feel successful. It was detrimental. In the end my work wasn’t it’s best and my understanding wasn’t as sharp.
I responded that way because I’ve always been achievement seeking and a very hard worker, and after becoming a mother... and quickly a mother of three... I was holding onto the last thing that made me feel worth something in society and in myself. I fought so hard to hold onto that last bit of the old me still left.
Also, I was so worried, truthfully still am a bit, that I would fall so far behind in my skill level that I wouldn’t be employable after coming back from a longer break. Then what would I do? Where would I fit in when the time came to get a job again? I took everything I could and it cost me in other ways, now I’m carving my own path on my own time.”
I love that last line: “Now I’m carving my own path on my own time”!
Emily said, “I started my dance performance & entertainment company from scratch and only thought about it as a hobby, something fun to do, on the side of my full time job. However, it's always pulled at my heartstrings as the thing I was meant to do. Because I was doing so much working full-time and trying to run my company, I often got "analysis paralysis." I didn't know where to start so I'd get overwhelmed and shut down.
Seeing other creatives go through the same struggles and having the support of other creatives/friends helped me to realize I'm not the only one who goes through this. From that I felt empowered that I just need to work a little at a time. I'm only 1 person and I can only do what I can. So having a like-minded community is HUGE!
Also, over those several years my perspective changed, I no longer think of it as a hobby, I call it a business and consider it one of my jobs. It is! Just because I'm not making all my income from it makes no difference. Once I changed my outlook, I felt more empowered to run my business and I've found that I don't have analysis paralysis as much as before.”
Emily’s mindset transformation was a huge source of empowerment that helped her pursue her business with more intention, dedication and joy. That ownership is amazing!
How to navigate challenging decisions and open-ended opportunities
There were two themes that stood out about how people have come to manage their overwhelm when faced with uncertain opportunities and decisions. The first was their ability to identify multiple factors that contribute to their feelings/reaction of the situation, and the second was their resolve to release their own expectations of how things should turn out.
Recognizing the elements at play
It may sound simple initially, but being able to recognize the individual factors that are making you feel stressed, excited, responsible, etc. in a situation takes a lot of skill. I think the only way we can improve at it is through practice and being gracious to ourselves while we learn.
Becoming comfortable with ambiguity doesn’t mean that it will actually feel comfortable all the time. But if we expect it, we can at least keep from being too hard on ourselves during the times we’re already feeling a lot of pressure.
Gretchen had great advice for how she handles the times when everything feels important and pressing: “If everything seems to be high-priority and essential, I tend to be overwhelmed and uncertain, but then I take a deep breath and start making a list, or I just try to start somewhere—one small step to get me started moving in any direction, which helps.”
Starting somewhere is a great piece of advice! It doesn’t matter how small that step seems. If you can get at least a bit of momentum towards evaluating your options, or tackling a portion of a project, everything after that will feel a little bit easier.
Release your time-bound thinking and desire for control
Alright, now I’m saving what could be the best advice for last! I had a few people share their views on this question in a way that seemed to sort of flip the whole question on it’s head (which I loved).
At the heart of it, I would sum up their responses by saying, “If you’re feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, you’re trying to fit into the wrong box.”
Essentially, Katie and Michelle both offered views that pointed out that stress and anxiety about decisions tend to come when we are bound to time-based thinking and a desire for control.
We get overwhelmed because we only think about the options we have in front of us at any given point in time. We worry that our decisions will restrict us from other good, future opportunities. This is also why those of us that tend to be more impulsive tend to make decisions too quickly. We get stuck in the “now or never” mindset that paints all experiences as beneficial and the future as something that will restrict us.
Katie said: “I say no to everything I possibly can and believe that other wonderful opportunities will present themselves with better timing.”
Katie has strong boundaries in place and isn’t willing to settle for something less than her expectations and goals. I admire that so much!
Michelle said: “I give myself permission to make big mighty mistakes and an infinite amount of time.”
The grace and big picture view Michelle has is so beneficial to anyone going through a transition or navigating a challenging decision. We aren’t going to do this thing perfectly, and it’s best to feel comfortable with that before making a decision. There is a lot of time to course-correct as needed.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback on this topic, and what comes to mind for you when you think of the future of work. Send me your thoughts, opinions and questions by going to jenniferspoelma.com/contact and sending me a message!
Weekly Listener Question
This week’s listener question is from Toby. He asked, “I’m updating my resume so I can start applying to new positions. Some of the positions I plan to apply to are local, a couple are out-of-state, and one is remote. They are all very similar positions except for the location, should I put my address on my resume?”
Hey Toby, thanks for your great question! It’s good to put your location on your resume, but I wouldn’t recommend your full address. I typically recommend just your city and state. This is primarily a personal safety recommendation. Resumes can be passed around a lot with online and email submission requirements. You don’t want your address out there for anyone to find!
Now, your specific question seems to be more about how to make sure that these other companies know you’re a serious candidate, willing to relocate or work remotely. In this case, I still think you should include your city and state in your resume header.
There are other ways to make it clear that you are willing to relocate, travel, or work remotely. For example, you can include that information in a professional summary section on your resume, or in your cover letter.
Especially when the job is based in another city, it’s great to include this information in an obvious way. For remote-work opportunities, expressing your interest and previous experience being successful in a remote capacity will be a huge bonus!
I hope that helps, Toby! Best of luck in your career transition!
If you have a career coaching question you want answered, you can go to: jenniferspoelma.com/contact and use the form there to send me your question!
